Surviving Without The Sun

It's winter in the Northern hemisphere and everywhere I turn I see people affected by the limited light of the sun. Add to that the holidays, which for a lot of us can be hard for different reasons. Personally I enjoy the Yuletide season immensely, but it competes heavily with the Seasonal Affective Disorder I struggle with every year. I've learned to use this blanket of darkness for personal transformation and rebirth and while it's hard, it's worth it.

The slipping away of Helios hits me like a ton of bricks before I ever realize what's actually happening. Every. Damn. Year. You'd think I'd see it coming as I'm riding the waves of nature's cycles, but I guess I'm too excited coming through and out of Samhain where I move straight into the Yule/ Solstice season. Yes, I'm one of those people that puts up the tree and starts decorating immediately after Samhain.

Despite the joy I get out of preparing my space for the season, there's an underlying sadness that always sneaks up on me. I find myself weepy and lethargic in between those small pockets of happiness that consist of hot chocolate and my favorite holiday movies. This sadness grows as the sun disappears. I find myself subconsciously looking for coziness. Things that make me feel like I'm wrapping up (or burrowing, if you think about it). Layers of fuzzy socks, soft pajamas, plush blankets and favored hoodies. I nest myself in them like a chipmunk getting ready to hibernate.

This stillness that comes with the growing darkness makes the nights feel like they stretch on for eternity. The birds quiet, the leaves are gone and everything turns brown and grey. Sadness turns into depression and my mind picks something new to spiral out of control about every day it seems. Mistakes I've made, hurts I've caused or received, things I've failed to do or have done too much of. Grief for these things as well as people that are now gone just swimming around my head, giving me all the feels that are heavy and hard and so so painful. I begin my dark night of the soul. And this is where things start to change...

When you feel things so heavily and your mind is flooded, burrow deeper. That's what winter is for. The cold and the darkness; the quietness of the birds is our sign to cozy up and begin the transformation that guides us toward the spring awakening.

All of those sad thoughts, all of that hurt and regret and grief is where we begin. The darkness both visually and metaphorically is telling us we need to figure out where to seek the sunshine. How do we find what's necessary to bring back the light and feel joy when we feel so disconnected and bleak?

These things tangle up like strings. Since you're already knee-deep in the knots, pick one and start to sort it out. What are we sad about right now? Why? How did it change us? How can we do better in the future? Can we give ourselves some grace and forgiveness? Because we can't go back, you know. And should'ing all over yourself won't undo the past anyway.

Yes, it's messy. It's hurtful. It can feel really gross. But it's required of us in order to heal and grow to become better versions of ourselves. So decide what to do with the string you're holding. Are you going to let it continue to bind you, or are you going to unravel it with some compassion and love for yourself?

Once we start to sort out all of this mental and emotional detritus, we can begin to stretch back toward the light and feel the growing warmth again. Spring will be warmer and we'll be all the stronger for it.

With love and gratitude, Pythia Kat

Hail Hekate!